Never All or Nothing

I come across “all or nothing thinking” in many patients and people in general. “All or nothing thinking” does not allow you to grow. It’s limiting. It’s inflexible. “All or nothing thinking” is very apparent when people try to change good or bad habits. Say they would like to start a positive habit and start going to the gym 3 times a week. They start out well and go consistently for 3 weeks. It’s not easy to go, because they have not adopted the habit yet and so it takes a lot of mental energy to actually go do it. Adopting good habits are hard at first because they are not automatic, like brushing your teeth. Giving up bad habits are hard because they are already automatic. Perhaps when we start a good habit like going to the gym, we feel like an imposter and we have to utilize some willpower to do it. The hardest part is GOING there, not the working out that happens once we are there. Same with adopting a healthy diet or giving up a negative habit such as smoking. We are on a roll; we have smoked no cigarettes in weeks. Then one day, we have a big stressor. Maybe we are reprimanded at work, or we get an expensive speeding ticket and buy a pack of cigarettes on the way home. Maybe we get sick with flu and so of course we don’t go to the gym for a week or two. The thinking is then, well, now I am smoking again, I may as well give up trying. Within days we are back where we were at half a pack a day. In the gym or diet scenario it is the same. I haven’t been to the gym in 2 weeks now, I am not going to bother now. I gave into my craving and had fast food, I may as well just go back to that on a regular or daily basis. It’s OK to show yourself some grace and “forgive” yourself and do this every single time you fail. We all fail all the time, and people with good habits fail often too, but they know that as long as they don’t ever give up trying, they are getting ahead. No shame, no guilt or regret about any part of it. For the gym, going once a week consistently is better than not at all. Smoking ten cigarettes a day is better than smoking the whole pack. Eating fast food once a week is better than eating it every day. Work towards the habit of consistency in your approach to change habits. I love using wise idioms to utilize change. They are catchy and easy to remember and will come to you as a reminder in the moment when you do want to give up consistency. You are a little consistent, or a lot, but you are consistent none the less, so hold onto that. Idioms that may help you remember that it is never” all or nothing” are “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” or “Two steps forward, one step back”.